So I haven't really written about my life since Travis and I broke up. I haven't written about my new relationship. Until now.
I never thought that someone could make someone "Whole" and i still don't believe it. But i believe that a person can make your life better. He could instantly make you happy just by looking at you. I never thought that I'd get married again. AND I'M NOT ENGAGED! But I could see myself marrying Jayde.
Jayde and I met online..big surprise there! Same site i met Randy, Ronnie, and Jason on. I have told myself I haven't been able to find the right one because i'm blind when it comes to guys at times. But I have always wanted the fairy tale. The endless love, that you see in every romance movie out there. I fall for that sappy stuff all the time! But the day Jayde and I started talking we talked all day long, and that night I asked him if he'd like to meet me. He of course said yes! We met at a local park here in town, it was getting chilly so we came back to my home and spent time together watching a movie. By the end of the night he and I were boyfriend and girlfriend. :) Now on Christmas it'll only be 4 months. But its been the best 4 months of my life so far. We never fight. We never argue. We may disagree but its never a fight. Now with every other man i've been with I would have probably fought with them a million times. But not with Jayde. He is 33 years old. and is a very mature man. He loves me for me. and I love him for him. I'll take the bad with the good...and i haven't found much bad at all. well there is an ex that is pregnant with his baby that i'm not too happy about but that was BEFORE me. but honestly everyone knows I want a family. and another woman having my boyfriends baby any day now hurts me! but its beyond my control. I'm pretty sure that the day she has his daughter i'll cry my eyes out bc its not me. and someone else is getting what i want. But i'm sure one day i'll have that. I have the optimism now. Which i've never had before. I look at our picture and i just feel so much love and happiness. I have a ring around my finger but no its not an engagement ring. it looks like an infinity symbol and in the middle of it has his and my birthstones. and engraved inside of it is Jayde&Sha I won't ever take it off until there is another ring to replace it. the one thing that i hate is his birthstone is my ex husbands lol. its funny bc they may share the same astro sign but they dont act anything alike. Jayde and i did break up for about 2 days. because of things that i'm not too proud of. he wanted me to get my life together before we continued dating. he saw that i was serious about wanting to have a good life with him.
I believe that i'm getting the life i've always wanted. its just the beginning but its a beautiful thing so far. I love him immensely. I hope he feels the same. I know he loves me but i believe i may love him more. without him i wouldnt be having a good life right now. and i wouldn't be happy sober. Can it be real that i'm actually getting what i've always wanted? the true fairy tale kind of love. the love you see in romance movies can never compare to the love i feel for him. My boyfriend is amazing! and the sex...omg! lol had to add that.
So now that i'm in one of the greatest relationships i've ever been in i need to get other parts of my life together. Like at tax time my boyfriend and i have been talking about moving in together. When thinking about that I told myself that i don't need a piece of paper telling me that the man and i love are going to be together forever. i told him that living with him, would make me happier than getting married. why? bc most people dont take the vows seriously these days. but i also talked to Jayde about my fascination with wedding vows in movies. and if we ever take the plunged then i'm writing my own vows. bc the first time i did traditional vows and my husband never took them seriously. i want something more personal and more meaningful than the vows that ppl take everyday. hell i've been thinking about weddings a lot lately. i think every night i dream about marrying him. and i've never been THAT girl!
So i'm completely in love. and i'm completely happy with where my life is headed these days. i've told Jayde i want him to be the last man i ever kiss, that he is the one i want to grow old with. nobody else.
NOW
since its the holiday season i've been thinking about past relationships. my failed marriage. my failed engagement. the two adorable kids from two exs that called me mommy. and i must say I miss a lot of things.
Like the feeling of being with the man you love in your own home on christmas morning...knowing theres no other place you rather be.
being woke up to by a 3 yr old yelling mommy mommy wake up!-GREGORY MOMMY MISSES YOU!
I messaged Jason's ex wife to see how Gabby is doing. turns out she is doing great! and jason is a dead beat that was supposed to get his daughter and has other plans so he isn't getting her. if i'm with someone that has a kid i tell them to make their children a priority over me. bc thats how its supposed to be. Jayde has a 9 yr old boy. who i haven't met yet. but i'm sure i will soon bc i do have to give him his xmas gift. and he has one on the way...
I've been thinking about where my life would be if my marriage hadn't failed b/c of the abuse and his cheating. And what if Jason and I worked out where would we be right now? and Travis-that man is no good for anyone. i miss the good times i had with all my exs! but then again who doesn't look back and reflect on life? But then again i see myself thinking about my exs then thinking about how AMAZING my life is with someone who loves me, understands me, compliments me, gets my humor and we can just lay in bed holding each other in silence and i dont feel the need to fill the silence with him like i did with so many exs. I haven't seen my man in days...he has been sick :( i'm hoping that he gets better soon and i'm hoping we see each other soon too. i need my Jayde time.....
i'm done talking my ass off now!
Oh and Randy sweetheart- I hope your having a good life as a truck driver. lmao knew you'd never amount to anything and i hope your paying your child support if you can lay in bed with someone and make a child you should take care of that child for the REST OF ITS LIFE! Her mother didn't deserve what you did to her. or her daughters. and you might like to know that her and i talk! its nice knowing that after all the shit we both talked about each other she now knows i was right about you!
TO ALL MY FRIENDS OUT THERE HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
OH AND TO GLENN AND AMANDA HESS 7 MORE WEEKS UNTIL YOUR BABY IS DUE!!! I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE PICTURES! I'm so glad that I met you both and that we are still friends to this day. it means the world to me that i have friends like you Amanda!
I never thought that someone could make someone "Whole" and i still don't believe it. But i believe that a person can make your life better. He could instantly make you happy just by looking at you. I never thought that I'd get married again. AND I'M NOT ENGAGED! But I could see myself marrying Jayde.
Jayde and I met online..big surprise there! Same site i met Randy, Ronnie, and Jason on. I have told myself I haven't been able to find the right one because i'm blind when it comes to guys at times. But I have always wanted the fairy tale. The endless love, that you see in every romance movie out there. I fall for that sappy stuff all the time! But the day Jayde and I started talking we talked all day long, and that night I asked him if he'd like to meet me. He of course said yes! We met at a local park here in town, it was getting chilly so we came back to my home and spent time together watching a movie. By the end of the night he and I were boyfriend and girlfriend. :) Now on Christmas it'll only be 4 months. But its been the best 4 months of my life so far. We never fight. We never argue. We may disagree but its never a fight. Now with every other man i've been with I would have probably fought with them a million times. But not with Jayde. He is 33 years old. and is a very mature man. He loves me for me. and I love him for him. I'll take the bad with the good...and i haven't found much bad at all. well there is an ex that is pregnant with his baby that i'm not too happy about but that was BEFORE me. but honestly everyone knows I want a family. and another woman having my boyfriends baby any day now hurts me! but its beyond my control. I'm pretty sure that the day she has his daughter i'll cry my eyes out bc its not me. and someone else is getting what i want. But i'm sure one day i'll have that. I have the optimism now. Which i've never had before. I look at our picture and i just feel so much love and happiness. I have a ring around my finger but no its not an engagement ring. it looks like an infinity symbol and in the middle of it has his and my birthstones. and engraved inside of it is Jayde&Sha I won't ever take it off until there is another ring to replace it. the one thing that i hate is his birthstone is my ex husbands lol. its funny bc they may share the same astro sign but they dont act anything alike. Jayde and i did break up for about 2 days. because of things that i'm not too proud of. he wanted me to get my life together before we continued dating. he saw that i was serious about wanting to have a good life with him.
I believe that i'm getting the life i've always wanted. its just the beginning but its a beautiful thing so far. I love him immensely. I hope he feels the same. I know he loves me but i believe i may love him more. without him i wouldnt be having a good life right now. and i wouldn't be happy sober. Can it be real that i'm actually getting what i've always wanted? the true fairy tale kind of love. the love you see in romance movies can never compare to the love i feel for him. My boyfriend is amazing! and the sex...omg! lol had to add that.
So now that i'm in one of the greatest relationships i've ever been in i need to get other parts of my life together. Like at tax time my boyfriend and i have been talking about moving in together. When thinking about that I told myself that i don't need a piece of paper telling me that the man and i love are going to be together forever. i told him that living with him, would make me happier than getting married. why? bc most people dont take the vows seriously these days. but i also talked to Jayde about my fascination with wedding vows in movies. and if we ever take the plunged then i'm writing my own vows. bc the first time i did traditional vows and my husband never took them seriously. i want something more personal and more meaningful than the vows that ppl take everyday. hell i've been thinking about weddings a lot lately. i think every night i dream about marrying him. and i've never been THAT girl!
So i'm completely in love. and i'm completely happy with where my life is headed these days. i've told Jayde i want him to be the last man i ever kiss, that he is the one i want to grow old with. nobody else.
NOW
since its the holiday season i've been thinking about past relationships. my failed marriage. my failed engagement. the two adorable kids from two exs that called me mommy. and i must say I miss a lot of things.
Like the feeling of being with the man you love in your own home on christmas morning...knowing theres no other place you rather be.
being woke up to by a 3 yr old yelling mommy mommy wake up!-GREGORY MOMMY MISSES YOU!
I messaged Jason's ex wife to see how Gabby is doing. turns out she is doing great! and jason is a dead beat that was supposed to get his daughter and has other plans so he isn't getting her. if i'm with someone that has a kid i tell them to make their children a priority over me. bc thats how its supposed to be. Jayde has a 9 yr old boy. who i haven't met yet. but i'm sure i will soon bc i do have to give him his xmas gift. and he has one on the way...
I've been thinking about where my life would be if my marriage hadn't failed b/c of the abuse and his cheating. And what if Jason and I worked out where would we be right now? and Travis-that man is no good for anyone. i miss the good times i had with all my exs! but then again who doesn't look back and reflect on life? But then again i see myself thinking about my exs then thinking about how AMAZING my life is with someone who loves me, understands me, compliments me, gets my humor and we can just lay in bed holding each other in silence and i dont feel the need to fill the silence with him like i did with so many exs. I haven't seen my man in days...he has been sick :( i'm hoping that he gets better soon and i'm hoping we see each other soon too. i need my Jayde time.....
i'm done talking my ass off now!
Oh and Randy sweetheart- I hope your having a good life as a truck driver. lmao knew you'd never amount to anything and i hope your paying your child support if you can lay in bed with someone and make a child you should take care of that child for the REST OF ITS LIFE! Her mother didn't deserve what you did to her. or her daughters. and you might like to know that her and i talk! its nice knowing that after all the shit we both talked about each other she now knows i was right about you!
TO ALL MY FRIENDS OUT THERE HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
OH AND TO GLENN AND AMANDA HESS 7 MORE WEEKS UNTIL YOUR BABY IS DUE!!! I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE PICTURES! I'm so glad that I met you both and that we are still friends to this day. it means the world to me that i have friends like you Amanda!
