Life These days....soo good!

 So I haven't really written about my life since Travis and I broke up. I haven't written about my new relationship. Until now.

  I never thought that someone could make someone "Whole" and i still don't believe it. But i believe that a person can make your life better. He could instantly make you happy just by looking at you. I never thought that I'd get married again. AND I'M NOT ENGAGED! But I could see myself marrying Jayde.
Jayde and I met online..big surprise there! Same site i met Randy, Ronnie, and Jason on. I have told myself I haven't been able to find the right one because i'm blind when it comes to guys at times. But I have always wanted the fairy tale. The endless love, that you see in every romance movie out there. I fall for that sappy stuff all the time! But the day Jayde and I started talking we talked all day long, and that night I asked him if he'd like to meet me. He of course said yes! We met at a local park here in town, it was getting chilly so we came back to my home and spent time together watching a movie. By the end of the night he and I were boyfriend and girlfriend. :) Now on Christmas it'll only be 4 months. But its been the best 4 months of my life so far. We never fight. We never argue. We may disagree but its never a fight. Now with every other man i've been with I would have probably fought with them a million times. But not with Jayde. He is 33 years old. and is a very mature man. He loves me for me. and I love him for him. I'll take the bad with the good...and i haven't found much bad at all. well there is an ex that is pregnant with his baby that i'm not too happy about but that was BEFORE me. but honestly everyone knows I want a family. and another woman having my boyfriends baby any day now hurts me! but its beyond my control. I'm pretty sure that the day she has his daughter i'll cry my eyes out bc its not me. and someone else is getting what i want. But i'm sure one day i'll have that. I have the optimism now. Which i've never had before. I look at our picture and i just feel so much love and happiness. I have a ring around my finger but no its not an engagement ring. it looks like an infinity symbol and in the middle of it has his and my birthstones. and engraved inside of it is Jayde&Sha I won't ever take it off until there is another ring to replace it. the one thing that i hate is his birthstone is my ex husbands lol. its funny bc they may share the same astro sign but they dont act anything alike. Jayde and i did break up for about 2 days. because of things that i'm not too proud of. he wanted me to get my life together before we continued dating. he saw that i was serious about wanting to have a good life with him.
I believe that i'm getting the life i've always wanted. its just the beginning but its a beautiful thing so far. I love him immensely. I hope he feels the same. I know he loves me but i believe i may love him more. without him i wouldnt be having a good life right now. and i wouldn't be happy sober. Can it be real that i'm actually getting what i've always wanted? the true fairy tale kind of love. the love you see in romance movies can never compare to the love i feel for him. My boyfriend is amazing! and the sex...omg! lol had to add that.

So now that i'm in one of the greatest relationships i've ever been in i need to get other parts of my life together. Like at tax time my boyfriend and i have been talking about moving in together. When thinking about that I told myself that i don't need a piece of paper telling me that the man and i love are going to be together forever. i told him that living with him, would make me happier than getting married. why? bc most people dont take the vows seriously these days. but i also talked to Jayde about my fascination with wedding vows in movies. and if we ever take the plunged then i'm writing my own vows. bc the first time i did traditional vows and my husband never took them seriously. i want something more personal and more meaningful than the vows that ppl take everyday. hell i've been thinking about weddings a lot lately. i think every night i dream about marrying him. and i've never been THAT girl!
So i'm completely in love. and i'm completely happy with where my life is headed these days. i've told Jayde i want him to be the last man i ever kiss, that he is the one i want to grow old with. nobody else.


NOW
since its the holiday season i've been thinking about past relationships. my failed marriage. my failed engagement. the two adorable kids from two exs that called me mommy. and i must say I miss a lot of things.
Like the feeling of being with the man you love in your own home on christmas morning...knowing theres no other place you rather be.
being woke up to by a 3 yr old yelling mommy mommy wake up!-GREGORY MOMMY MISSES YOU!
I messaged Jason's ex wife to see how Gabby is doing. turns out she is doing great! and jason is a dead beat that was supposed to get his daughter and has other plans so he isn't getting her. if i'm with someone that has a kid i tell them to make their children a priority over me. bc thats how its supposed to be. Jayde has a 9 yr old boy. who i haven't met yet. but i'm sure i will soon bc i do have to give him his xmas gift. and he has one on the way...
I've been thinking about where my life would be if my marriage hadn't failed b/c of the abuse and his cheating. And what if Jason and I worked out where would we be right now? and Travis-that man is no good for anyone. i miss the good times i had with all my exs! but then again who doesn't look back and reflect on life? But then again i see myself thinking about my exs then thinking about how AMAZING my life is with someone who loves me, understands me, compliments me, gets my humor and we can just lay in bed holding each other in silence and i dont feel the need to fill the silence with him like i did with so many exs. I haven't seen my man in days...he has been sick :( i'm hoping that he gets better soon and i'm hoping we see each other soon too. i need my Jayde time.....
i'm done talking my ass off now!


Oh and Randy sweetheart- I hope your having a good life as a truck driver. lmao knew you'd never amount to anything and i hope your paying your child support if you can lay in bed with someone and make a child you should take care of that child for the REST OF ITS LIFE! Her mother didn't deserve what you did to her. or her daughters. and you might like to know that her and i talk! its nice knowing that after all the shit we both talked about each other she now knows i was right about you!

TO ALL MY FRIENDS OUT THERE HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

OH AND TO GLENN AND AMANDA HESS 7 MORE WEEKS UNTIL YOUR BABY IS DUE!!! I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE PICTURES! I'm so glad that I met you both and that we are still friends to this day. it means the world to me that i have friends like you Amanda!

TEMPTATIONS

I'm writing what was going to be a short story but by the time i'm done with it i think it'll be a book!
I started it on the 10th and in a matter of days its gotten over 500 views! I have several people saying its better than shades of gray...and begging for the next chapters...
So heres the link. remember to go to chapter 1 and read from there

TarashasStories.blogspot.com

Comments are welcome!

Just an update on me!

TarashasStories.blogspot.com

Thats my other blog I'm writing a story and thats where its posted. I've had many readers saying they loved it so everyday i post a new chapter/part. its there for your enjoyment comments are welcome


So I'm back living with my parents, i'm looking for my own place. I'm dating a new guy, Jayde.
Yes i love him. Yes i know we haven't been together very long but i plan on being with him for a very long time. I don't have much else to say right now i'm talking a friend on the phone but i'll post on here more often.
i love my friends...and i love you Jayde

Live and learn

So Travis and i are over. why? well a lot of things were working against us. first off i kinda flipped out and pushed him and he called the cops and i went to jail. then the courts put a no contact order on us and i violated it several times. so i went back to jail a total of 4 times. this last time Travis could not handle my crazy family and we thought it would be best for our son not to be subjected to the drama on a daily basis. We are still friends. theres no hard feelings there. it was more of a mutual agreement. My family didn't like him so its better this way. But we are still friends i still do love him i'm not going to lie. i still have feelings there. plus his son always called me mommy and i would do anything for that little boy. he is my son. i'm hoping i can see him soon. i miss him so much.

I'm now single....but as we all know i'm never single too long. but i'm focusing on me for now.
Talking to someone. but he works nights so i either have to stay up all night to talk to him or i'll miss him all together. I've known him for years and i've had a crush on him for years i just never told him but he knows now. i'm hoping on his day off we can get together. fingers crossed.

life is good. its nice to be able to be around family without the drama. and without being told who i should and shouldn't date.

I dyed my hair Sangria red...its a cute ass color and i'm doing blonde highlights in it soon. i figured i'm starting a new life so i'm ready for a new me.

Now its time to get off of here my cell is blowing up....oh but before i leave.

Randy- Stop posting comments we are divorced now i'm tired of your comments. we have nothing to talk about. your the one that fucked up our marriage not me. and considering i totaled your blue car i think i got revenge not even meaning to. and your the one that has to pay it off not me. b/c its your loan not mine...i bet you wish you would have put me on the loan! your just pissed off that i got away from you and i'm not looking back. trust and believe theres never a time where i actually think of you. except when i get comments from you. i know your living in wilmington...stay up there don't bother coming to new lex. b/c i'm sure if you came anywhere near me i'm sure things would be taken care of. plus i still have a protection order against you. you just leaving comments could get you in trouble. so go ahead keep it up i dare you.

Part of a journal i'm starting...

Dear heart,
I know I have put you through a lot in such a short amount of time.
I always believed i had to open my heart up and then something good may come of it.
Lately it seems like i'm always breaking you. Is there even a small possibility that your still mending and can love again? I hope so. Or at least when i find someone that won't hurt me or you like every other guy has.
I was told we were taking a break but i believe everyone knows that means the guy can barely say its over in fears he'll actually break us both. Travis had to power to make or break me. i'm still on the fence, will thinkgs calm down then mawe could be together. but i swear to you miss heart...i'm not going to open up for just anyone anymore. you cant take it anymore. I'm not going to just be with someone to feel an intimate relationship with. I want you to be mended and happy. for me to be happy it would be with Travis. but you may not have to get hurt anymore. if you stop beating then we wont have to worry about any of it.
I wamt Trav back.
He made me feel like i was always beautiful. He made me feel like i was worth something. now without him what am i? We had our ups and downs and yes lately a lot of downs. Not with the courts saying we cant be together. I'm praying to my god that this is all over with. and that we can be togehter  legally.
I don't just want you back i want my son back. i want my family. i want that life we had when it was good.
I cant do without either of you i dont want to and i shouldn't have to.
to me its not over. we were meant to be together for a reason please just come home.
MY HEART CANNOT TAKE ANYMORE.

Oh please!!

So Randy commented, I haven't posted it b/c its stupid but he called me a dirty ass? really b/c the NAVY MADE YOU TAKE SHOWERS THERE B/C YOU STUNK ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION! plus, I've never been homeless...I'm so much better without your ass and i'm happy this way!

A short update-
Well as you all know Jason went to jail for Domestic Violence against me. Well they dropped it down to disorderly conduct and he got a $100 fine. plus court costs. So that ended that relationship.

Now I'm with Travis...The love of my life.
I've known him since 2005, met thru an ex boyfriend who is his best friend to this day.
In 5 days we'll be together for 3 months. Its been a fun ride since the beginning.
I have a 3 year old son, Gman. (nickname) His mother is not in the picture b/c of drugs. so he has never known any woman to be his mother except for me. I love both my boys with everything that i have.

I went to jail saturday night...took too many of my Bipolar meds. I don't remember destroying my own house. but i did. I got out tuesday night Wednesday morning. It felt good to be free.
I cant be around travis or gregory until the courts are done with the case. I don't remember anything that night. people had to tell me what happened. So since all that happened i'm completely and utterly not wanting to abuse meds again. i learned my lesson.
Travis and i will be together. when its clear that we are allowed to be again. a love like ours just doesn't die over night. i'm so thankful to have him and Gman in my life. i'm more in love with him than i've ever been with anyone. i started writing poetry again. i stopped due to my EX husband :D love the ex part. and now everyday i'm inspired more.

Randy- Sweetie you still have to pay for a car that was totaled. you still have to pay the credit card bills, the lake gray bills....i think the judge stuck it to your ass pretty damn good. i don't want or need your money. besides i think jennifer deserves your money for the kid you had with her that you abandoned. Stop posting comments they just make me laugh at your dumb ass!

FINALLY!!!

I'M FINALLY DIVORCED!!! LAST NAME IS BACK TO HALE....AND NOW I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT ON MY BLOG!
no more news other than that..but from now on i'm going to be realer than real.
i dont have to hide my life anymore. or parts of it.

Livin' the WONDERFUL life!

So as all of you know Jason and I are over. He pushed me and i wasn't having it. Called the cops and he got what he deserved. Now he is trying to sleep with my so called best friend...whom is no longer a friend. plus he sleeps with her he'll get something. Just saying!

So I've known Travis Eppley since 2005.  I met him thru my boyfriend at the time. I look back now and think i had to go thru that relationship and every other relationship until i could be ready for Travis. We've been together  for less than a month. but since we've known each other forever I already am so in love with him I'd die without him. He does have full custody of his son. Gregory. Now Gmans birth mother is not in the picture. Never has been. So I'm his mommy now. he calls me mommy and my day just lights up. Gman is mommys little man.
I started a journal for Gregory so later on in his life he can read it and see what happened back then (now) and he'll see that Mommy loves him so much. I started one for Travis and I also. about the ups and downs in our relationship.

When Trav and I got together we said all in or nothing...b/c he had a son and if i was going to be with travis he was a package deal. He gave me what i always wanted. a FAMILY. and a LOVE NOT COMPARABLE TO ANYTHING ON THIS EARTH!

ok so i know some people had issues with Jasons daughter calling me mom, i know why b/c she already had a mom and i wasn't taken her place. but With Gregory its different he has never had a mother figure in his life. and i will be his mother for the rest of my life. even if Trav and i break up i'm getting visitation. b/c he is not going to put that boy in my life then rip him away.
I'm more in love with Travis than i've ever been with anyone in my entire life. No one is comparable to him.  I sometimes try to compare my exs to him and they just don't match up! at all. Travis is so much better.
and my life with him....well its amazing. We live together. We are happy to just be together. and have a family together.

My life couldn't get better.

Well heres the breaking news..my 8mth relationship is over!
He stole pills from me, He stole money, He broke my heart, he pushed me...he went to jail, he cannot contact me, he has contacted me...he picked his stuff up, he tried to play with my heart, the end.
AND MY DIVORCE WILL BE FINALIZED IN LESS THAN 30 DAYS!
not hard to explain. And i really do not need to  go into details. But its all over with now. Just a couple court dates then its all over.

I got a new man now...shocker....I've known him since 2005, met thru an ex boyfriend and kept in touch via FB
I saw him on POF and sent him a message on FB...he called me and now here we are living together...his son lives with us at all times. He doesn't have a mother (long story and its not my story to tell) But now i'm his mommy..I love my life now. I love how everything is and i wouldnt change it...we live together :) so i wake up next to him every morning hearing mommy being yelled at by little man.
I just wouldn't changed anything in my life. i have a great man and a great son. its just a perfect life.
Travis is 30 so he is much more mature than all these other guys. He has to take care of his son 24/7 without receiving child support. he is a great man. couldn't ask for someone better!
i gtg now Gregory is home and he has been gone all day b/c my mom took him and now that we have him back mommy is going to spend time with the little man!

2012

2012 is starting out to be an amazing year!
I feel bad for those who have already had a bad year in many ways...I have literally warned you about Randy, yet you said i'm psycho and all this other crap...now look you have a baby with him and he isn't anywhere to be found...its a shame really.

2012 is a great year...for reasons i cannot say yet. but its something BIG! HUGE! I'm finding school to be fun again...and my life is just amazing...its filled with friends, family and love all the time. Only thing i hate is my step daughter is not around. Gabby i miss you, princess! Life is great for me. I don't have to worry about my estranged husband. I don't have to worry about anyone else bothering me! Its just great. I cannot believe that i'm at that point in my life that life seems to just be coming together and at an amazing pace....

I gtg now i have class and i need to get there so i'm not late....i'm glad i don't live too far from campus!