Day 30

I went to the ER today. that was a fun trip. I flipped out on the nurses.
needless to say it wasn't a great start to my day.

Then after coming home i spent some much needed "me" time. Talking to old friends, and new friends.
Looking thru photos and planning the photo shoots i have coming up.
i'm excited that i actually was dreaming of photography last night!
Dorky i know...but like everyone tells me i have talent, and i should use it.
I also did my "homework" on a few subjects.
Made a to do list for tomorrow..
Talked to Shelley about Miya's photo shoot, which i'm hoping to do in the next few days!
I thought maybe i'd show some of my work to everyone...and to the "haters" thanks for making me so popular.

Ok enough photos for today..I'll post more some other time.

Have a great night/day everyone

Day 29 of 365

Hello everyone! I hope all of my friends reading this is good...other people that i wouldn't call friends...stop viewing my blog. thanks!

Today i've been having a difficult day. my back is killing me!! i never thought it would hurt this bad!
I finally scheduled Megan and Tylers photo shoot...it went from a couple shoot to a mini-family shoot and a couple shoot! I'm super EXCITED!!! Megan and i talked for hours about poses and everything. i'm not just getting more photos for my portfolio but i'm gaining a new friend. It seems like her and i have a lot in common.
I haven't made new friends all by myself in a long time. always too worried about getting close and getting hurt.
but some fears just have to be overcame.
Megan informed me of someones blog..and its an interesting read. Really honey you can brag all you want about that poor excuse for a man. I know the truth. PTSD- POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HIM!!! i don't care if you believe me about any of it. i know what he put me thru i know that man better than you'll ever know him. you and him are going to take a big hit soon. Great thanks for filing the restraining order...you know i pushed his command for that. I'm more afraid of that man that i let others believe. I'm a stronger better person b/c i got away from it. i warned you your "tom" will change he'll get bored and post ads on craigslist...and anything else he can do to spice up his life.
Yeah he is paying your way for college...thats great! Congrats. i'm so happy that u'll have something to do for an excuse to get away from him! As for your wedding day if you cannot wait so bad then why the hell is next year? As for you saying that i slept around and gave him something so he gave you something honey the only person i slept with was my husband i barely left his sight so tell me how i could sleep with another man.
I got checked several times, after i left him I know for a fact i was clean and i'm still clean...STD FREE! so that makes me wonder if Randy's cheated on you! i can prove with medical records that don't have anything! and never have had anything.
As for the court order for spousal support consider it on its way! but also consider that it won't be just the petty cash i've been receiving if he can support you and your child he can support his WIFE which by the way is still me!  I'm not going to take this shit lying down!
I loved him more than you ever will. he loved me more than he will ever love you. he just lost me for good so he had to find a replacement have you considered your the replacement? your just like me down to the same exact shows on tv! its sort of creepy.
You can call me fat all you want. God made me this way and he also gave me a muscle disease. only reason you've slimmed down is b/c ur ass had surgery to get a lapband! then went on weight watchers...good for you  sweetheart.
Keep blogging about me. my friends find it interesting...i find it repulsive.
Your the one reading my blog. I have never laid eyes on yours until tonight, when  i heard you were talking about my medical disorders. I had to see what was so interesting about my blog that you had to blog about it.
and i thought you said my life is boring! lol
I can keep things out of my blog so you don't hear about them, but i find some parts of my life are private.
but also I do not need someone to be happy.
I'm fine single. hell i'm better than ever! happier too!
so keep reading my blog. i love how you like to check up on me sweetie.
I hope Randy and you are enjoying every minute of your life right now. b/c its not going to be wonderful forever. and i dont even need to contact you two!

Day 28

Okay so this morning sucked!!!!!!!
WORST MORNING EVER!
at 7am the young doctor thought he'd be great at doing a spinal tap...asshole!
he was so ready to do it and i felt like it wasnt a great idea i had a bad feeling so i kept holding it off until my parents got there...finally after they were there i said i didn't want to do it and when the doctors came in i asked how many times had he done it he said "Tons" like it was nothing so i said ok lets get it done and over with...
well needless to say he obviously hasn't done it tons of times b/c when he was doing it i asked him to define tons and he said nothing...he hit bone lots of times...i cussed and screamed finally another doctor was going by the room and she stepped in. replaced me and she took over! thank god! Even praying that the whole thing would go ok without a hitch and it didn't go as planned...

afterwards dad got a photo of the doctor holding a vial of the fluid up....but before i show you let me tell you my father is a CHICKEN!!! when they were getting ready he said i'm leaving...and then when he left mom realized why dad left he couldn't bare it. he came back in before the  whole thing was done so he got to see the worst!

Daddy trying to leave...Dr. Hart was scrubbing in and getting her gown on..

 he said he was going to pass out...then he said something about his back hurting...while a needle was in my back!!!!! i told him not to even talk about backs hurting!!!
 ok heres a photo of the "brain fluid" as the doctor put it this is Dr. Hart

She took 4 tubes of this....

Now dad also took a photo of my back...its pretty disgusting and i counted 14 holes...you have to look hard for some...but yeah it doesn't look so good.

you can clearly see 8 holes in this one..

on the left side is more holes i was laying on my side at first and the young doc did all those...cant see most bc   he was using the wrong needle too small and made me bleed a LOT 

After it was all done i had to lay flat for an hour then i could get ready and leave! 

So now i'm home laying down flat b/c i have too....

one thing that lifted my spirits was this...

Alyssa's baby shower invite! 

So excited i cannot wait!!!!

Thanks hun it really made me smile today of all days when i needed it! 

Cassie- hun you have no idea how much of a HELP you are to me! 

we may not have been close friends in high school but now i finally feel like i have someone that understands what i'm going thru! Thank you thank you thank you!

Day 26 & Day 27

The Ohio State University Hospital- Thats where i'm staying for a few days!
I get a good view of Columbus from my hospital room. Actually from my bed!
I can't get up without having a babysitter...theres a camera and mic in the room i have these things glued to my head..with wires that go to some sort of monitor. All to see if  during my flare ups if the legs turning in is a seizure or not. I was born with a seizure disorder but i had stopped having seizures and was off the meds. by high school. but i told a few people in school about the seizures and all that...i told a best friend and in 2004 her and i got in a fight she kicked me in the head and face a few times and i had a seizure...therefore it was the first time someone actually won a fight against me...other than dora lee she threw my head into a brick wall....Ok anyways
I was laying flat in my bed getting these things glued to my head and another guy came in to do an IV (after 8 times before that and no one having and luck...) he tried twice and had to call the expert in (before he put an IV in that he thought they could put fluids into..but when they did it made me scream!)...So this nice guy came in later with an ultrasound machine, to find a vein they could get blood out of and put meds into if needed.
I got a photo of that, i thought it was pretty cool...

My vein via ultrasound...Loved it only took one shot to numb me, then one poke and it was done! 

 My vein 

he did my right arm b/c my left arm was killing me b/c the first nurse blew one of my veins and its still killing me a day later...

After everything i spent the night crying my eyes out bc of the pain and bc i've been sleep deprived.
finally i got meds...assholes wouldnt help with the pain they wanted an event so therefore it just hurt all day
Heres the view from my room its better in person

Day 27
Ugh do nurses really have to wake you up at 6am? come on now!?!
all i remember was lets do a quick evaluation...so i was a good girl and complied..."hows your breathing?"
ugh really did she HAVE TO ASK?! all i had to say was i haven't smoked in over a damn day!!!
So she said thats good really?! its 6am an we are talking about ciggs!
i fell back to sleep woke up at 8am for meds and food...then woke back up for lunch then back to sleep...
i didn't know i was so tired! Docs came in made me walk...feet turned in bc i'm still in pain....told me i had a lumbar puncture in the morning...i'm about to freak out...i'm literally scared.
I hate being here all by myself. I had a psych evaluation today...the guy was super cute and sweet and i wanted to hit on him but how i felt and looked stopped me...he left to talk to his supervisor then him and his Supervisor came back...and this is what i was told. 
I have something wrong with me... result of what my husband put me thru...
 I have "PTSD"
POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER...why? b/c of the shit my husband put me thru and come to think about it his mistress thinks i'm making it all up...i'm making up getting beat up i'm making up him hitting me. several times? then why do i have PTSD now? tell me that! I cried my eyes out for hours it always something right after another in my life....i really is. 
I played around on the net, watched TV listened to music and sang...being taped the whole time with a mic above my bed...great huh? lol i did that for a few hours and then the tears came rolling down the pain was killer and all i wanted was medication and my mother ...i got the meds at 9 and i'm fighting my sleep.
i got to see the Life flights...pics tomorrow i need to call the nurse then go to bed.


....PHOTOS....

The Glue that holds these on is high in ether... I LOOK HORRIBLE! 

6 Life flights just during dinner...I had to get a good shot but i could not get out of bed and so its not the best i've taken.

its 4:32am i woke up at 3am with pain and so i stayed up longer

I have a Lumbar puncture tomorrow/today watever...and i get to go home! 

im going to research PTSD is.

Day 25

Today I spent most of the day around the house...Straightened up my bedroom and packed my clothes for my stay at OSU. Not very fun but i made the best of it. Dad had mom at the doc...until 8pm then later on they had to go to the ER and my car got impounded bc i was having pain and i had to go to the ER. it was bad...
Randy's really trying to make it be "hell" for me.
Texted my new friend all day again...i'm beginning to think that i'm starting to make more friends than i ever did when i was with randy. thats a good thing right? Mike brought Maddie over for a lil bit...here is a pic of her and me. She really is so cute.

She looks just like her daddy!!! 

I couldn't sleep at all tonight, due to the pain, and the nerves of whats to come tomorrow...i dont want to do go. but i know i have to...

day 23 & 24

DAY 23

Well I spent my day going over photos and looking up Newborn Photography ideas for a photo shoot...
so i was pretty busy today...
then i read a few chapters of Breaking Dawn by the end of the night i finished it...finally usually i read it faster.
 Tonight mom took us all out to eat, Alex, dad and I had fun. Joking around and being ourselves...
I seen a cute guy...i mean so cute that i couldnt stop staring...i had to give him my number, and i did. but i didn't get a text...which at the end of the day i'm fine with that b/c i'm not ready to date. SOOOO not ready.

Yes i had to take a photo of the stranger...its blurry bc he wouldnt stay still!!

My mother bought me some Playboy perfume...Spicy Sexy and sweet LOVE THEM!

THIS IS ON TOP OF THE mouse pad i made. :) Love it. 

Day 24

I spent this day just doing nothing. 

boring i know...but i was texting someone ALL Day long...

Love talking to them.

so thats really it.

btw Pain really does suck...

Day 22

So today again wasn't the best day. but i got to see my Miya so it was pretty good!
I redid my mouse pad. from the 88 dale jr, mouse pad i had bought for someone as a gift and made it pretty with pink and brown.
But my mom all day didn't think Shelley and Chris was bringing Miya over so my mother thought that she wouldn't get to know this grandchild...so when i went out to the quiting shed i caught mom crying and she said the worst thing i could hear..."i can't wait for you to have a child..."
Ugh this hurts i wish it could happen soon...
But with being completely single...and not being around any guy that worth the time
going thru a divorce and knowing how utterly happy the guy is with his "mistress"....yes honey thats what you are.
Its just not possible right now.
I wish it was! I wish i could have one in 9 mths...But i dont think thats possible.
So now i'm a little hurt and i just want to curl up and go to bed...which is what i'm going to do now

The ugly mouse pad

 the fabric...

All done!...sorry crappy photo i took it in the shed as soon as i was done!

Day 21

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS!!!
your birthday gift Miya was the best gift you could ever get! 

Miya Faith Hale one day old ....pic taken by her aunt jess!

Today was quite boring for me! i'm snowed in cannot go anywhere. 
But i did catch up on reading
and i caught up with my best guy friend that i've ever had. I love the guy he is the bestest friend anyone can have and he knows me very well!
its nice catching up with old friends. 
I thought i lost a lot of friends when i was married b/c i was controlled and never allowed to talk to anyone. none of my guy friends at all. 
but now that i'm not being controlled i can talk to whoever i want. 
I'm not in a relationship although i really want to be i'm not. 
Waiting on the divorce and everything is what is holding me back. 
but i'm sure that someday i'll find my prince....i just have to wait awhile right? 
i'm glad randy and his gf stopped messaging me and are leaving me alone! 
i'm so glad i dont have to remember all of that...
I don't need the stress....speaking of the stress i was stuck in bed all day today! 
My disease is just killin me...not being able to do what i want sucks...but i'm hopefully planning a trip to see my friends in zville...it would be nice to be around friends! 


I have a prayer jar and i need to add some more prayers to it...any requests??

DAY 20

First off let me congratulate my brother Chris and his girlfriend Shelley!!! Miya is so adorable!
So here are some photos of my niece...

Ok so i spent my day with my family i went to see my brother and his girlfriend. 

so i could meet my new niece! 

Miya Faith Hale.

Exciting day! tomorrow is her fathers birthday! 

She is beautiful! i'm excited to see her after so long

Shelley was so exhausted that we left after an hour

the roads were really bad 

mom said it was a snow storm when chris was born and now when miya was born!

Happy birthday Miya!