Ok miss Jennifer...this one truly is for you and for Randy. so pass it along to your man. b/c i dont believe that your blog was a fake to make me upset and jealous.
For one Randy was cheating on me the ENTIRE time we were together...even talking to chicks on our little honeymoon. He posted multiple Craigslist ads to find a chick to sleep with...He was abusive.
Our First apartment we had to patch the holes in the walls and everything b/c of it! My teeth were completely intact and healthy when i got married to him! so as for his family saying that they were falling out thats a lie! my smile was the best thing i had. I've never cheated on Randy. Ever. Not even after we split up.
Yeah guys have tried to get with me or take me out on a date but i haven't went..and crazy ronnie...well he has been in the psych ward twice in december he is not mentally there. idk how someone could believe whatever comes out of his mouth.
Truth is,
I'm dying inside. I loved Randy more than anything in my entire world. Without him a large piece of me is missing. When i left on my birthday i was hoping it was temporary, and to this day i'm still praying it is temporary. But i know what i went thru. I know how my relationship was with him.
I just don't see him and i ever being together again, even though we always joked about it and told each other if we ever split up and got a divorce we'd get back together eventually. But for my life i cannot do that.
I miss having the person i truly love beside me. I'm depressed all the time, i wish i could just go back and skip my first trip to Florida. So he wouldn't have asked me to marry him in the first place. I just miss having a romantic connection with a man. but i'm not going to be with anyone. for awhile. i found GOD in all of this mess. Its a sin to commit adultery. My belief in God has gotten me a long way. I know i'm not ready for any relationship. I just cannot do it.
theres days that i'm so depressed i cant get out of bed b/c of my marriage and what i'm going thru.
but deep down i know i'll never have that again...so i should have a right to move on...but i'm not going to.
I miss hearing his voice, so i replay that voicemail he sent to my yahoo over and over again. its all so hard.
my life is a complete mess. and having to hear about you and everything just makes it worse.
I have PTSD...if thats not enough evidence of abuse then idk what is! its like everything i say everyone says the opposite. but i'm the only one that truly knows whats going on in my life and what happened behind closed doors. now i dont believe that ur blog is all a lie. i dont want to read it...so i dont' but other people read it and fill me in if there something i need to know.
which is not often.
Mentally i cannot take it, its been months and after all the abuse and all of the emotional attacks and the very far in between times of actually feeling loved. i still feel like everything in my world was taken away just yesterday. bc he wanted to be single again...bc he wanted to have sex with whoever.
I'm going thru hell on earth. although it is better than the hell i went thru when i was with him..i am just incomplete. and a complete emotional wreck.
I see a counselor...althou i need to go more often...i see one. i do everything she says, if i'm told i'm not ready to date then i believe it. b/c i truly know i'm not ready to date ANYONE.
As for me being pregnant idk why you think that i was pregnant with some other guys kid. b/c i never slept with Ronnie. but i was pregnant with Randy's baby when i left, and thats another thing that made me leave. i wanted my child to be in a safe environment. it was clear to me that with Randy...i wasn't safe. that was my second pregnancy btw...the first the baby was in my tube, lasted only a few short weeks my tube ruptured and i almost lost my life, but instead i lost my tube and the baby...there are days i wish i died in that surgery room...my mom came down to be there with me during that time, she left on sunday and we were supposed to fly up the next night for his leave...i cried so hard when she left....i knew in 24 hrs i'd see her again but i was being left there alone with him...wasn't a place i wanted to be. which btw this is how much of a douche bag randy is...i was sick couldn't hold my head up felt so fucking bad, i was pregnant and i had to have two shots to terminate the pregnancy so i wouldnt lose my tube...Randy was supposedly "watching tv" but he had his laptop in the living room i had mine in the bedroom with me and he was talking to "another girl"
wanted to meet her and told her that he had a crazy "EX WIFE" when i was in the other room carrying his fuckin kid!...the joke was on him thou b/c that other girl was actually me. he should have been taking care of me not tryin to look for another chick while ur wife was sick bc of pregnancy complications....
another dick head move....in April 09 he was sent to the Barracks to live for a few days b/c we got in a fight and he threw a class cup at my head...i called the cops but before they got there he was gone....
he had me cook his dinner and take it to him, he had me go to his room and he pushed me on my knees and FORCED me to do a few different things. i'm pretty sure if someone tells you NO that its still RAPE!
Randy might be your prince charming now...but he will slowly start to change into a monster.
i really do pray for the safety for anyone that is around him.
I know that it may be hard to see the real randy...it was hard for me...i would struggle with it all the time...
but you really have to know what your getting urself into.
As for the car getting impounded...I had to go to the ER. I didn't have anyone to take me, so i put my MOTHERS tags on the car and i went. on the way home i got pulled over...and i got a ticket and the car impounded. but i got it out as soon as i could, and i made sure i took care of everything.
I bet your all happy to know how miserable my life is right now. how i'm stuck in my home more than anything b/c of the stress all of this is causing me!
i no longer care about you and Randy being together.
its not something i can control. and he will be the one going to hell for it not me.
he better ask god for forgiveness a million times a day, if he doesn't well we all know what will be coming to him....
Randy if your reading this let me just tell you this- Jennifer says you leaving the Navy. Why?
without the navy you'll have nothing. its hard to keep a job in this economy. our mutual friend has had several jobs since he got out. if you want a family with someone...and want a great life for yourself...u really will stay in the navy...Right now you want out b/c its HARD. Mainly b/c of me. But if you could talk to me like a civil human being maybe we would be able to work all our legal matters out ourselves without having to involve the navy. but i know ur not willing to do that...so just tough it out. your life will be better in the long run if u stayed in the navy...or maybe moved to another branch of the military.
